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Q:What has 117 teeth and holds back The Incredible Hulk?
A: My zipper.
Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
A: One if you throw it hard enough.
What's the difference between an onion and a hooker?
You cry when you chop up an onion.
Whats better than two dead babies in one dumpster?
One dead baby in two dumpsters.
One day there was a blind man walking down the street and he smelled oranges, so he bought some fruit.
He smelled some pastries, so he bought some donuts.
Then he walked passed a fish market, took a hard sniff, and said, "Hello ladies!"
Q: What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A: A brunette with bad breath.
A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"
"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."
"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?
Whats the difference between a truck fulla bricks and a truck fulla babies?
You can't unload bricks with a pitchfork.
How do you fit 100 babies into a 5 gallon bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
With doritos!
Q) What Do you call a 100 COWS masterbating
A) beef stroganoff
Q:How do you circumcise a redneck?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.
Q:What do you call a redneck virgin?
A:A girl that can out run her brothers.
Q: What's blue and screws old people?
A: Hypothermia
Q: What has 75 balls and screws old ladies?
A:Bingo
So, a lady had just given birth to a new baby boy. The nurse took it out of the room to clean it up and stuff and came back about an hour later. When the nurse entered the room, she dropped the baby right in front of the woman's bed and started jumping and crushing it. The lady was screaming and yelling for her to stop and was going ape shit but the nurse ignored her for a few more jumps before she laughed and said "Haha... April fools.... you're baby was already dead."
How can you tell if a baby is dead?
When you nail it's feet to the ceiling it doesn't cry.
What's the best part about a baby hanging from a ceiling fan?
Hitting it with a bat when it comes around.
What do you get a dead baby for it's birthday?
A dead puppy.
What's the best part about a pile of dead babies?
The alive one in the middle eating its way out.
What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?
Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples.
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.
What's blue and wiggles?
Baby in a ziploc bag.
What's red, white, and crawling up your leg?
An abortion baby with home-sickness.
Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
So you can see the expression on its face!
Why did the baby fall off the swing?
Because I cut off its arms.
Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
Because I shot it.
What's white, red, and silver and wanders around the forest bumping into trees?
A lost baby, with forks in its eyes.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup root beer, 2 scoops dead baby.
What's red and white and travels at 60mph?
A baby in a blender.
What's blue and yellow and at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with slashed floaties.
What's red, white, and yellow and at the top of a pool?
Floaties with slashed baby.
What's brown, black, and yellow?
Same baby, 3 weeks later.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mint Lamborghini?
I don't have an Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the best way to feed a baby?
.45
What's the best way to feed a baby?
To a rottweiler.
A baby seal walks into a club...
There are two condoms walking down the street and they pass a gay bar. One condom turns to the other and says "Hey, you wanna go get shit faced?"
wanna hear a joke........
womens rights
Knock-Knock
Who's there?
Little boy blue
Little boy blew who?
Michael Jackson
What's the difference between a bitch & a whore?
A whore will give it to anyone;
A bitch will give it to anyone but you.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute?
The prostitute will quit screwing you after you're dead.
Why did Helen Kellars dog runaway?
You would too if your name was "Arhfhggahboogafgfg"
So a man goes into an autoparts store, and goes up to the clerk.
"Sir, I'd like a windshield wiper for my Honda Civic"
The clerk looks at him for a moment, and considers.
"Yeah sure, why not...fair trade."
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