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Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over. God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter. Chuck Norris’s penis is so big that it has a penis of its own and it is still bigger than yours. When Chuck Noris jumps in a pool he dosen’t get wet water gets Chuck Noris. Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Chuck Norris got an award for masturbating in public. Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a freakin Indian. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. chuck norris sleeps with a night light, not because hes afraid of the dark its because the dark is afraid of chuck norris chuck norris doesnt break wind, he destroys it. Chuck Norris dosent need to use guns, guns need to use chuck noris chuck norris has actually been dead for 30 years, the grim reaper just hasnt had the courage to tell him yet… Chuck Norris is so fast, he can punch himself in the back of the head Chuck Norris does not eat babies. Babies willingly crawl into his mouth and throw themselves against his teeth. Chuck Norris once found a fly in his soup the next day the police found a waiter in a fly. Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in 3 moves. chuck norris once slammed an rotating door twice! chuck norris destroyed the periodic table of elements because chuck norris only recognizes the element of surprise. God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6. Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a contest to see who had the most balls. Chuck Norris won by 5. chuck norris had a daughter, she lost her virginity so chuck found it and put it back! |
